i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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