My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
