sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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