If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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