Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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