I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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