i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everyone says I win the strip club
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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