i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
