roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
