i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
