Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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