I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
