6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
