Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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