so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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