We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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