just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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