Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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