Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
