I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
please come you make the beer taste better
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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