you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
