he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
