We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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