the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
