Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
