the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
