I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't notice because vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
