So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
