Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
