no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
