We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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