she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
