There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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