never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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