Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
