rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
