ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize