I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
