Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
