So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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