just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
