i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
