i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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