I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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