My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
