So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
