He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
