If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
