Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
