Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize