Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
