The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
