Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
