So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize