He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
