Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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