Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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