So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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