I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize