I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
