True but thats because hes a fetus.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
time to smoke my breakfast
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
