if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The ass gains better be worth it
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