Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
