Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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