1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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