hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
