You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
