just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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