I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
