Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize