Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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