first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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