I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
