New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
