the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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