I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize