Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
