Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have demons in me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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