What a fucking waste of an outfit
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
