i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
