if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
