He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
