The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
