"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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